Human Resources
Talent, pay, policy and culture, chosen for the HR leader who has to answer for them on Monday.
Human Resources at The First Click is written for the people who own the workforce question: talent and hiring, compensation and benefits, workplace policy, and culture and engagement. Three stories a weekday at 11, each summarised in our own words and linked to the publisher. We favour the story that changes a decision over the story that confirms one: a survey with a number a compensation head will be asked about, a policy experiment that will be copied badly, a departure that says something about retention at the top. Artificial intelligence runs through most of them now, as a tool the workforce already uses whether or not the policy has caught up. The editor’s note under the day’s lead says why we chose it, and the Friday Funny lane keeps the stories that prove the point by making you laugh.
Every story we have kept in Human Resources, newest first. Headlines link to the publisher; the tags below narrow the list.
Punter Scoffs At RBA's Pathetic Attempt To Send Him Broke, As If He's Not Perfectly Capable Himself
Tony Hampton, a 32-year-old man, has reacted to the RBA's cash rate increase to 4.85% by laughing at the prospect of being bankrupted, saying he can easily afford the increased mortgage repayments.
Jim Chalmers Says C'mon Let's Just Focus On The Melbourne Cup Today Hey
Treasurer Jim Chalmers is at the Melbourne Cup, saying there's no other major news, aside from Tonga versus Samoa and Australia's cricket team in South Africa, which he describes as a 'cruel game'.
Gambling Addict CEO Suddenly Cares About Equine Welfare If It Means Keeping Workers At Their Desk Today
Willam Henry-Smith, CEO of Henry-Smith & Smiggins-Walsh law firm, has cancelled the Melbourne Cup event, citing it as 'last century' and 'not a good look' for employees to gamble on company time.
Gen-Z Take Advantage Of The Last Halloween To Fall On A Saturday While They Are Still Young And Hot
Gen Z Australians have celebrated Halloween on a Saturday for the last time while still young, with the next occurrence not until 2037 when they will be in their late 30s.
Chap who coded Google’s Pac-Man clone reveals how the game freaked out Firefox
Google's Pac-Man doodle was designed by Marcin Wichary, who also fixed a bug that caused the game to start automatically in Firefox, making a loud noise, by introducing a mute feature and requiring user interaction.
Editor's noteGoogle's Pac-Man doodle was a design stunt, not a game. The real issue was the auto-play feature, which was a bug waiting to happen, especially with users who had the CoolPreviews extension installed in Firefox. Watch whether Google revises its approach to interactive doodles, given the noise they can make.
Crippling Economic Crisis Sees Poor Bank Only Post A $6.8 Billion Profit
Westpac has reported a $6.8 billion profit for FY26, a $100 million decrease from the previous year, amidst a backdrop of economic crisis and industry-wide job cuts, including 2,500 redundancies at NAB.
UPDATED: Turning Sydney's Boring New Driverless Train Line Into A Dangerous, Exciting Pub Crawl
Sydney's new driverless train line has been used for a pub crawl, visiting 22 venues between two major suburbs. The journey starts at Bankstown and ends at The Mean Fiddler in Rouse Hill.
Disney Hopes to Improve Public Image by Switching to Free-Range Child Stars
Disney has announced a shift to raising child actors in natural environments, rather than controlled facilities, in an effort to improve their public image and boost viewership and advertising revenue.
Report: Still Waiting On That Gas Tax
Australian Prime Minister avoids discussing gas tax, despite widespread calls for its introduction, as the country struggles with cost of living crisis and corporate profiteering exacerbates poverty and economic hardship.
Bloke With Full Sleeve 'Theatre Masks' Tattoo Certainly Doesn't Mind A Bit Of Drama
Knoxlee Lundynn, 29, has a full sleeve tattoo of theatre masks on his left arm, which he believes represents the duality of drama. He has multiple facial piercings and tattoos with subtext, including a dragon on his neck and tribal tattoos on his shin and lower back.
Wests Tigers Table A 10-Year, $50 Million Dollar Offer For Sam Walker
Wests Tigers have made a 10-year, $50 million contract offer to young halfback Sam Walker, who was previously courted by the Sydney Roosters, but now appears likely to join the Tigers next season.
The Next Fleetwood Mac? These 4 Coked Out Roommates Are Also Sleeping With Each Other
Four individuals, including Sandra Perkins and her partner, live together in a Santa Monica apartment, engaging in cocaine use and intimate relationships, drawing comparisons to Fleetwood Mac's dynamics. They have a history of tumultuous relationships and substance abuse. The group's dynamics have been likened to the legendary band's.
Local Rugby League Fan Still Buzzing After Absolutely Thrilling Weekend Of International Fixtures
Harry Winks, a 31-year-old from Betoota Ponds, is still enthusiastic after the Rugby League World Cup's Round 2, which featured several high-scoring matches, including a 40-0 lead by Fetu Samoa and a 36-0 victory by Tonga over Lebanon.
Opinion: It’s Actually Punk as Shit To Sob While Watching ‘Over the Garden Wall’ Episode 9
The author argues that crying while watching the 'Over the Garden Wall' series finale is a punk value, citing emotional expression and empathy as key aspects of punk culture, rather than stoicism.
Waymo Informs Woman’s Friends She Talked Shit About Them During Ride
A Waymo car recorded a woman's conversation and sent it to her friends, who were critical of her comments. The incident highlights concerns about privacy and the use of autonomous vehicles to monitor passengers.
Editor's noteWaymo's decision to record and report passengers' conversations is a privacy invasion, not a helpful tool for accountability. The cost is a chilling effect on free speech, as people will now self-censor in the presence of autonomous vehicles. Watch the number of Waymo users who start using voice changers or encrypted phone apps to avoid being recorded.
Australia Sends 100 Million Le Snaks In Foreign Aid To France
Australia has sent 100 million Le Snaks to France as foreign aid, in a move aimed at repairing the country's relationship with the French government, following recent tensions over submarine contracts.
We Sat Down With Batman, Who Opened Up About His Rabies Diagnosis
Batman has spoken out about his rabies diagnosis, revealing he contracted the disease from his adoptive bat mother. He is currently experiencing symptoms and is seeking a cure for the condition.
Help! My Coworker Asked for Horror Movie Recs, and Now I Have To Speak to HR
A worker has been asked by a colleague for horror movie recommendations, leading to a meeting with HR, where they expect to discuss a potential new role recommending films to the entire store.
Heartbreaking: There’s Not A Single Outfit This Man Can Pull Off
Lyonel Brinks, a 42-year-old Subaru salesman, has difficulty finding a suitable outfit, with every attempt resulting in an unflattering appearance. He has tried various styles, including casual and dressy looks, without success. His struggles have been documented in a humorous article.
Editor's noteLyonel Brinks' struggles with fashion are a demonstration of the limits of self-expression, not a personal failing. The problem lies in his odd proportions and awkward neck angle, which no outfit can fully conceal. Watch whether his upcoming tattoo appointment becomes a desperate attempt to distract from his sartorial shortcomings.
Nation Sighs As NewsCorp Kicks Off This Anthem Shit Again
NewsCorp has sparked controversy with online articles criticizing the Kangaroos and Jillaroos for not singing the national anthem, with some calling for player bans or suggesting they move to another country.
Openly-Homophobic Boomer's Weakness For A Bloke Dressed Up As A Woman On Display At Local Production Of Hairspray
A 72-year-old man, Bruce Taylor, attended a local production of Hairspray and unexpectedly enjoyed it, particularly a scene with a male actor dressed as a woman, which left him laughing and in tears.
Normal And Well Adjusted Young Man Brags About Desire To Live Stream Someone Get Executed
Brent Daniels, a young man with known social issues, has expressed enthusiasm for live-streaming a US prisoner's execution, stating he is 'very invested' in the event and criticising government censorship measures.
Editor's noteBrent Daniels' desire to live-stream an execution is a symptom of a broader issue: the blurring of lines between online and offline worlds. Watch whether his family's efforts to intervene have any lasting impact on his behavior, as that would indicate whether the problem is with his environment or his own values.
One Nation Experiences Sudden Drop In Online Support After Ukraine Strikes Russian Bot Farm
One Nation's online support has dropped after Ukraine struck a Russian bot farm, but the party's Indonesian Bot factories are now compensating, with coordinated bot accounts re-emerging on social media.
Opinion: If You Want to Fuck My Daughter, You’re Gonna Have to Fuck Me First
A father outlines his conditions for a man to date his daughter, including intimate and invasive demands, such as sex, a home visit, and a test of the man's character through his treatment of him.
Ageing Local Man Just Seems To Get Really Bad Hangovers From Ethanol And Sugar Nowadays
A 36-year-old man from Betoota Heights reported experiencing severe hangovers after consuming large amounts of ethanol and sugar, suggesting his body may be more sensitive to these substances with age.
Jeep Owner With ‘Not All Who Wander Are Lost’ Tire Cover Proudly Hasn’t Left Home State in 30 Years
Joel Lafleur, a 48-year-old data analyst, has never left Connecticut despite owning a Jeep with a 'Not All Who Wander Are Lost' tire cover, citing fuel efficiency and gas prices as reasons.
FDA Bans Use of Mambo No. 5
The US FDA has banned the song 'Mambo No. 5' due to concerns over its impact on youth, with Acting Commissioner Kyle Diamantas citing the song's potential to cause 'serious addiction' and 'brain cell destruction'.
Pentagon to Livestream Firing Squad Execution Exclusively on somethingrotten.com
Pentagon Secretary Pete Hegseth has announced the public live-streaming of Nidal Hasan's firing squad execution on somethingrotten.com, with plans to simulcast on other websites, costing $6 million. The execution is scheduled for December 3rd. The Pentagon has revived the website somethingrotten.com for this purpose.
Knights' Fans To Soothe The Pain By Descending On Bathurst For Therapeutic Weekend Of Roaring V8s
Following a recent defeat, Knights supporters are travelling to Bathurst to experience the Supercars racing. Many fans seek relaxation and distraction from the loss, citing the powerful V8 engines as a therapeutic outlet. The event offers a chance to momentarily shift focus and enjoy intense sound and speed.
An Excerpt from Jessica M. Goldstein’s Novel, Retro
Jessica M. Goldstein’s novel, Retro, centres on Ash, a struggling actress who becomes a Time Travel Agent. The agency offers trips to the past, including destinations like the Wild West and Prohibition-era speakeasies. The book received positive reviews and was longlisted for a first novel prize.
Local Man Remembers What He’s Been Missing Out On After Firing Up The VPN
Dale Thomson, a local resident, experienced a return to travel following the use of a VPN subscription. He visited New Zealand and Albania, facilitated by a Voodoo Ranger giveaway. Thomson enjoyed a period of relaxation and leisure activities.
“Apparently There Was A Football Match On The Weekend” Says Inner City Leftie Who Wonders Why The Greens Struggle With Middle Australia
Alistair Huxley, a Newtown resident, expressed surprise at the NRL Grand Final’s popularity. He attributed the Greens’ difficulties connecting with middle Australia to a perceived lack of engagement with sporting interests. Huxley suggested replicating successful campaigns featuring figures like Abdul El-Sayed.
Editor's noteMiddle Australia's sporting interests are a proxy for something deeper: a distrust of the Greens' detachment from everyday life. Watch whether Huxley's party starts fielding candidates with sporting credentials, because that would be a tacit admission that policy isn't enough.
Six sickening anniversaries sickening new couples celebrate
Satirical piece mocks new couples who mark minor relationship milestones as anniversaries, from first glance and first date to first kiss, sleepless conversations and becoming official, with jokes about social media posts and friends' tolerance.
Six relationships you’ll be shipping in Celebrity Traitors
Satirical listicle speculates about imaginary romances among Celebrity Traitors contestants, pairing celebrities such as Jerry Hall, Ross Kemp and Richard E Grant, with jokes about age gaps, comic personas and on-screen chemistry.
Esther Rantzen hard to explain to young people
Satirical report claims parents are struggling to explain Esther Rantzen's television legacy to children, contrasting her Childline founding and charity campaigns with the odd novelties of That's Life!, as imagined by a fictional viewer recalling 1970s television.
Seven surprising benefits of rejoining the EU for Brexiters
A satirical list imagines upsides for Brexit supporters if Britain rejoined the EU, including renewed underdog status, recycled jokes about regulations, familiar political figures returning to prominence, fresh grievances to air, and the chance to criticise younger people again.
Six bribes from world leaders to Trump now the bar’s been set at ‘two pandas’
World leaders escalate their gifts to Trump after China's panda diplomacy, reportedly offering exotic animals and land concessions to win the president's favor.
UK to swap Chagos Islands for Piddington
Britain floats swapping a small English village for the Chagos Islands instead, satirizing the real territorial deal and the politicians squabbling over sovereignty.
Why We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person
A satirical memo argues staff must return to the office because artificial intelligence works better in person, skewering return-to-office mandates and the vocabulary invented to justify them.
Editor's noteDaily use of AI and Return to Office (RTO) protocol is akin to us humans teaming-up against the great machine of our times. It helps us laugh at the absurdity that is RTO for professions that do not need regular human contact to flourish.
Office NPC Punches Monitor After Failing To Secure Bruno Mars Tickets
An office worker takes a failed ticket queue out on a company monitor, satirising concert-scarcity meltdowns and the explanations that reach IT afterwards.
Word Of The Week: Fredagsbar (A Popular Danish Tradition Of Friday Drinks And Socialising)
A mock dictionary entry defines fredagsbar, the Danish Friday-drinks ritual, and quietly mocks offices that import a foreign custom and call it team culture.
Welcome to Career Day
A working mother explains her job to a classroom: inbox dread, meetings that decide nothing, and the chatbot she is training to replace herself. Shouts and Murmurs.
Seven Steps to Financial Success, According to a Guy Who Won a Multimillion-Dollar Lawsuit Against the Circus
Mock self-help from a man whose fortune arrived when an acrobat landed on him, satirising success literature that reclassifies luck as method.
